Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Condo Adventures.

Here are some stuphnthings that are happening back at the ranch:

When Ma was here, she noticed that I had my FIRST TOMATO! And now, I have several of them, poking their little green domes out of the yellow flowers on my plant. They look like tiny green Dr. Phil heads. However, my first and biggest tomato has a condition I read about prior to embarking upon the task of attemping tomatoes. It's called blossom end rot. Read it and weep. GAH!

Knowing that a dark spot on my tomato was wrong but not knowing why, I hastily threw some more chicken shit on the thing, watered it and ran away like a scared little pee baby with a brown thumb. Fussy bastard. Wah! I want water! Wah! I need calcium! Wah! Wah! Gimme more sunlight! Wah! No wonder you get 'ett, Poo Bottom.

Next, it was on to the first floor balcony where I had worked up the courage to remove the 3rd egg in the pigeon nest. I decided that I absolutely COULD NOT allow another baby out there. It'd take another 2 weeks for it to hatch and join the other 2 who'd want to kick it's ass anyway because it'd be smaller and wussier than them. And the whole thing would mean more poo for this kid to clean up. I e-mailed several pest-control places who all assured me that the mom wouldn't abandon the nest if I touched it. Some birds would -but pigeons, frankly, couldn't care less if you touched their nest. Or if you replaced all the twigs with toe jam and pubes.

Anyhoo - I went outside with a baggie to steal the unborn (No toejam. No pubes. Well, none I could immediately part with)..when what to my wondering eyes should appear - but 2 little chicks and a BROKEN egg with nothing inside.

Yup, looks like mom and dad enacted their own mode of birth control. "We cain't raise no 3 kids in this dump!" I guess they realized they weren't fit to handle all them squabs so they done 'ett the 3rd one. A tiny omelet with tiny bacon on a tiny plate. At least, that's what I'm guessing. So they saved me some trouble. And I turned my attention to cleaning the amassed pile of bird ca on the opposite side of the balcony. I am now their housekeeper.

I still however have no names for the little guys. Should I really name them? You know, once you name something you create an emotional attachment to it. Then when it flies into a window and dies, a piece of you dies with it.

But then at least you have something to eat.


Misster Kitty said...

I say not only do you need to name the wee ones, you should offer a contest to mean them.

My submissions:

-Ray and Charles
-Ugg and Lee
-Darryl and Darryl (the egg is/was Larry)
-Sid and Nancy
-Will and Grace
-Kurt and Courtney
and my fav....
-Marilyn and Monroe


John Mielke Photography said...

Pee and gin.

Back to boycotting this blog I go.


JB said...

I had blossom end rot once back when I was on the road with the band, but the doctor gave me some stuff to clear it up.


Ma Horton said...

I want the babies named after all I named the unwed mother Victoria . She looked victorian to me somehow . We need a chick contest ( and not a wet t- shirt one ).

Angry Gnome said...

Ah chicklets, they be ugly. It all reminds me of one time when I was younger and living on our little farm in the country and I cracked open an egg for breakfast and out plopped a little chick. Needless to say, I have lost a taste for eggs because I am always afraid that they'll come with a little toy inside.
Anyhoo, I'm not really good at naming things, hence the reason my white cat is named, uh, Whitey but I will put all my brain power into thinking up a couple of names.

Maria said...

Nat, I know this is off topic BUT I am looking at spending a few days in NYC this July (gonna be my first time) and I remember you saying something about snagging some great deal at $50.00 a night at a nice small hotel when you went. I have ben checking hotel websites and the prices are outrageous - any ideas or suggestions?

Newsguy Bob said...

Two questions:
1) The pest control places told you the pigeons wouldn't mind if you replaced the twigs with toe jam and pubes?

And b) Did Ma notice the tomato buds while she was chained to the balcony railing?

Name suggestions:
-Scro and Tum because, well, they do look like a scrotum
-Crash and Burn
-I second Kitty's suggestion of Ugg and Lee

Have Flea and Farnsie noticed the pigeon babes? How did they react?

KimmaJimma said...

Pee baby. Heh.