Wednesday, April 04, 2007

My Wolves.

I am this many sleeps away from becoming a crazy cat lady.

I love my dogs. I love those little turd-eating, carpet-scooting, garbage-sniffing, spazz-barkin', toy-mangling, dustball-snorting, dumpster-breathed rats. Yet, they are still dogs. As hard as it is to imagine, they are somewhere in the twisted, dwarfy recesses of their DNA, related to wolves.

Wolves. Tough. Robust. Hardy. Wolves that hunt their own prey, sometimes going days without eating. Wolves, that curl themselves up on cold, hard ground to sleep. Wolves that push on through the elements: snow, rain, wind whipping all around them.

And somewhere along the way, I end up living with ratdawgs. Who have maybe 0.0000001 % wolf left in them. I think that's the part that makes Mr. Farnsworth bark and jump at the TV when there's an animal on it. Prey drive, see?

Anyway. I take all the blame for turning them into wusses. Here's a little shameful secret I am hesistant to admit:

I THROW THEIR BLANKETS IN THE DRYER BEFORE BED!

SHUT UP!! I KNOW! I KNOW!! But seriously, you guys - they love it. They do. They love being warm (see: lapdogs. eg. If my lap isn't warm enough, Reggie moves to Corn's lap and vice versa). Flea waits in front of the laundry room. She knows the sound of the dryer now. When the blankets come out, she races to the crate and along the way, Reggie joins us. We're a little happy parade, marching to the bedroom! And I can BARELY get the blankets in before they're trying to climb in and under them. Then, they do not come out til morning.

Now, tell me. If you KNEW your dog loved this - could you deny them!? Even though it made you look like the BIGGEST SISSY IN THE WORLD!?

Me equals dumbass.

*I also ocassionally heat up a Magic Bag for Flea to lie on. She loves that too. Reggie just tries to eat it.

16 comments:

Newsguy Bob said...

Not that N@ needs anyone to defend her, but I am here to do just that. Who can honestly say they DON'T spoil their pooch?
("Spoiling your pooch" almost sounds dirty, doesn't it?)

My mom used to make scrambled eggs for my dog. We'd get dry puffed rice, and the mutt got a freakin' omelette!

Why DRY puffed rice? Cuz then at lunch time, she'd give us a glass of water, which would make the puffed rice swell up in our bellies, and we'd be full 'til supper.

Seriously, though, she did scramble an egg for Mac once or twice a week. She said it made his coat shiny, and besides, he liked it. He also liked spaghetti.

Ma Horton said...

Spoil ? Moi ? Well duh ..of course !! Karma has a 101 chew toys , a blue velvet coat , trreats every day , bones ,bones and more bones .. and me for an owner . Whats not to love ...

Amazon Woman said...

It is not spoiling...it is mommy love! And it is sweet.

Keep smilin!

Misster Kitty said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Maria said...

You are a WEIRDO! I thought I was bad warming up my son's soccer uniform in the dryer right before a BIG game in the rain. As if, the just freshly dried uniform will not get soaked just as fast. Whatevah!!!!!

We momma's are ALL weird. Be it with our pets or our kids!

Did I mention I used to have 5 chickens as a kid that lived in a little house in our backyard? They loved spaghetti too but ONLY if there was sauce. No sauce they didn't eat it.

Misster Kitty said...

Sorry to disappoint N@ but you are one normal doggie owner.

My Aunt was just as devoted to her Yorkie: Benji (god rest his soul) Now there was a spoiled little mutt! She refused to buy him store bought dog food (and this was back in the 70's and 80's when dog food was cheaper than dirt! and well before the recalls) She would buy ground lamb and cook it up with rice and make little boulettes and feed him those. When he got older and had surgery for throat cancer and had difficulty swallowing she began to hand feed him baby food (and I really mean hand feed... scoop a little out of the jar on her pinky and he'd lick the slop off) ... oh and did I mention the feeding was done as she held him in one arm swaddled in a baby blanket?

My family's dog, Lady (god rest her soul) was spoiled as well, not nearly as bad as Benji but... Lady had her own basket to sleep which has matching sets of sheets and blankets that had their own special laundry detergent... She was hand delivered to the specially shovelled patch of backyard in winter ( to avoid any un-necessary contact with the snow)... and received the same hand feeding treatment when she visited her cousin Benji...

You're just a normal dog owner that loves her poochies, and I am sure you feel their love right back!

Newsguy Bob said...

Yeah, Mac wouldn't settle for plain old spaghetti, even if you put butter and salt and pepper on it. No sauce, nothing doing.

JB said...

Guy 1)
Where's your roommate?

Guy 2)
I think he's upstairs "spoilin' the pooch" ...

JB said...

...but seriously, my wife has some shoulder problems, and heats up a Magic Bag for her neck every night before bed.
...AND she likes wolves.

Hmmm.

...Maybe I should start putting a blanket in the dryer for her.

Am I in trouble now?

CQ said...

Speaking of wolves, I saw on the news tonite that a coyote found it's way into a Quizno's in the States and parked it's furry behind in the cooler with the bottled juices.

Newsguy Bob said...

We had the coyote in the Quizno's fridge story, too, on A-Channel News at 6.
What was he doing in the fridge? Jus' chillaxin', dude.

Cheryl (a.k.a Sherri, and vice-versa) said...

I was going to make a sarcastic comment. However, someone who can't fall asleep until the cat has has snuggled into its usual spot on the bed ought not to throw stones. Shameful, really. :)

JB said...

I saw a couple of cougars last time I went to Quizno's, but no wolves. It was a Friday night, and the cougars were just carbo-loading before they headed out to the bars to look for the wolves.

nyuk.

Anonymous said...

I am here Nat :)
It will take me about a year to catch up but that is ok LOL

I missed ya! I have a crappy job that does not allow me to play very much anymore. Not even on a lunch break!

Anonymous said...

Oh that is me..KarenC LMAO. I did not sign in with my account.hehe.

Twiggy said...

I just joined Rob Kemp's Facebook group 'Make Nat Join Facebook Now!!'. And you should all do the same.
Just so you know.

ps. Facebook is so much better than myspace!