Friday, April 06, 2007

Make The Make Nat Join Facebook Members Join Nat's Website

(For those of you not in the know. Rob Kemp has started a fire. I have been riddled with listener e-bullets, demanding me to join Facebook. There is an actual Facebook page dedicated to trying to get me to join. The following is is my response to them...)

Dear Sheeple of the Facebook Vortex,

Imagine my surprise when I started getting deluged with invites to join Facebook (some of you smartypants cleverly disguised your invites with innocent subject lines like, "Song Request" or "Lusty Transvestites Want To Talk To You". Smart). From what I understand, there is a "Make Nat Join Facebook" group. Astounding. And you are all members. Which is even more astounding, since I haven't been the impetus for people coming together since...well...ever. Where were all of you when I needed help moving?!

Friends, I have had a cozy little home on the dubya dubya for about 4 years now (shameless plug ahead: www.natlauzon.com). I even have a regular blog. I like it there. I have a little community of readers. It's safe and no one ever says: FIND OUT WHO'S WATCHING YOU. TRACK VISITORS TO YOUR PAGE USING OUR HIGH-TECH COMPUTEY-MACHINE SPY STUFF. BLINKY BLINKY FLASH FLASH I MADE MY PAGE USING PIMP-IT-UP-SAUCE SOFTWARE BLAH BLAH BLAH DEE BLAHBALHBLHHEEEE!

So, 3 years into my weblog, this thing called Myspace popped up. Suddenly, everyone and their tapeworm had a myspace page. And they all wanted me to join! I dug my heels into the dirt and refused. I already have a webspace, I said. Why do I need another one!? But eventually, I caved. I fell prey to the pretty colours and music and funny youtube videos of hiccuping panda cubs. I wanted to creep around in the ether for old classmates, boyfriends and co-workers and SPY on them. But then I got bored. And started recognizing the labour involved in carrying on conversations via friends' message boards:

Hey, howz it goin'?

(3 days later)

Good, how r u? Luv your page! Have you talked to Becky?

(5 days later)

Cool, thx. Actually, Becky died in a freak ketchup accident 5 yrs ago.

(1 month later)

*blink! blink! * FIND OUT WHO'S WATCHING YOU! TRACK VISITORS TO YOUR PAGE USING....

(1 hour later)

Wow. That sux. :'(

You get the idea. I just thought, if I really wanted to keep in touch with these people, wouldn't I be doing it 3-dimensionally? I'll admit it, Myspace was kinda fun. For a short time. My self-esteem became proportional to the number of 'friends' I had (did you know I'm 'friends' with LOTS of famous people? They're my 'friends'! Do you have famous 'friends'? I have more than you do!) But it didn't last. It's potency was fleeting - like a summer fling, a fresh-cut daisy, a bean dip fart! I still check my Myspace on a regular basis though, because I've been somewhat enslaved. I'm weaning.

And now - everyone's all like: HEY NAT! WE'RE ALL OVER HERE! *wave, wave* JOIN FACEBOOK! IT'S BETTER!

And I'm like: Please, youse guyses. I just got on Myspace. And if I go on Facebook, you'll all jump ship somewhere else. You are the carrot and I'm the mule! You're the floater on my retina - I know you're there but you keep moving just out of my field of vision. What makes Facebook any better?! Everyone says that, but no one tells me why! I've heard it's 'addictive'. By definition, this is not a selling point for me...

addiction: compulsive need for and use of a habit-forming substance characterized by well-defined physiological symptoms upon withdrawal.

Withdrawal! This means once your Facebook euphoria wears off, you'll all be in the fetal position, trembling and sweating under your desks swatting at imaginary flies. Sadly, some of you may already be there. For the rest of you, keep an eye out for anyone who offers you Kool-Aid.....

Bottom line is: I've got 2 web'homes'. My original site and Myspace. What the heck am I gonna do with a third? If I spread myself too thin, I will have no quality contribution for any of them (I am aware this falsely assumes I've got quality contributions to begin with). So, I will say this. It's possible I'll join. It's possible I won't. Maybe one night at 2am, I'll be surfin' the dubya, bored out of my skull and sign up JUST to see what you're writing on the "Make Nat Join Facebook" page.

In the meantime, if you've made it this far in my diatribe, you might like to read what I've got to say on a regular basis, non? In which case, I'd like to invite you to join the "Make the Make Nat Join Facebook Members Join Nat's Website". You can find it here: www.natlauzon.com and click on the box on the far right.

SEE YA IN THE ETHER, SHEEPLE!
XOX

n@

15 comments:

Milky said...

I'm with ya sister!

I got sucked into a Myspace page too. I have over 200 "friends."

I recently got sucked into getting a Facebook page too. All the models and photographers I'd been working with were using it to network.

Then I read their terms of use. READ THE TERMS PEOPLE.

If I post a picture on Facebook, they own it. They can sell it to whoever they want. They don't have to pay me for it either.

Can you imagine that picture you post of yourself all sloppy drunk at a party one night suddently ending up on the side of a bus in someone's advertising campaign etc...?

Enough.

I too have my own web place. In fact, my own web placeS. I don't need someone else telling me who I'm friends with, helping me "poke" them, or taking control of my personal things.

Venting over.

M

Newsguy Bob said...

Uh, N@, Milky: We're still friends, right? I, too, got sucked in to Facebook, but I'm not using it.

We could start a support group: "My name is Newsguy Bob, and I'm on Facebook, but I'm not a user".

Ma Horton said...

If ya wanna see my face , check it out on Ma's Coffee shoppe .. . finger included .

Twiggy said...

Why better than Myspace? easier to read, you can actually make real groups (there's one for my program at school and we organise things etc), less flash more usefulness, there's a 'mini-feed' so you can stalk ppl without actually having to go to each of your friends page to see if they have pics up or are still in Melbourne kicking ass in the pool at Worlds or in Beijing etc....:P hehe. I know not a selling point depending on your level of paranoia..but you can fix AAAALLLL of that in your privacy settings. speaking of privacy settings:

What one of my friends sent me (as a 'note' - like a blog) for facebook protection. I know about the 'too many friends' thing, and yes i am wondering how long it will last, but it's been like email to me (i have 3 emails + facebook...i don't know what it is about it...)


Hey guys soooooo facebook has begun selling user information (surprise, surprise!). They call it the "Facebook Development Platform." To restrict use of your information, do the following:

Click "My Privacy" on the left.
Click "Edit Settings" under the "Friends, Notes, and Facebook Development Platform" section.
Scroll down to the bottom and uncheck "My information may be used according to the restricted Terms of Service."

(Do your friends a favor and repost this as your own note.)

Yeah so after a lot of legal bullshit and disclaimers, Facebook basically sells out all of your info and will not be held liable if your info is misused by the "developers". So go and uncheck that box.

P.S. - Read the Terms of Service....ALWAYS read the fine print




pps. I know I joined the Make Nat Join Facebook Group..but that's bc I like joining groups that have funny names or are completely useless ..like 'Bring Back McDonald's pizza', or 'I don't care how comfortable crocs are, you look like a dumbass' (no offence to crocs lovers)

Misster Kitty said...

N@... I'm GLAD you're not joining FaceBook. (not that it would not be nice to add you to my list of friends) but it's too much! I got sucked in... and as you will recall less than 24 hours later I posted on my blog NOT TO join FaceBook. It will eat you alive!

I support your non-support of FaceBook. Be strong sister, fight the good fight.

Alas it's too late for me, I've been sucked in already too deep, the sunlight on the surface is already that of a distant fading glimmer. Fly, be free, never succomb to the FaceBook.

I should stop now, I've probably already said too much. FaceBook could be watching...

If I don't post again by Monday know that you've made the right choice... do not mourn for me... look for me sending benign posts on FaceBook...



*KNOCK KNOCK*

MK: "Who's there?

Voice behind the door: "It's FACEBOOK. Stop posting on blogspot.."

MK: "No! Never..."

*CRASH BANG*

MK: " You can't stop me... arrrrgggggg"

FB: "Resistance is futile... MUAAAAAAAHHHH AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA."

Maria said...

I checked out facebook and NOPE not for me.

Newsguy Bob said...

Okay, fellow bloglodytes. Time to arrange an intervention with MK, and get him into our support group. Strength in numbers, y'know.

Zeke's, the Montreal Art Gallery said...

Howdy!

Simple solution: Ditch MySpace, pick up Facebook.

Sandra V said...

Come on NAT, everyone's doing it!!!
Don't listen to these Facebook haters. Facebook rules and that's not just the drugs talking!!!
It's a great way to meet poeple and keep in touch with your friends.
PUH-LEASE join FACEBOOK!!!
PUH-LEASE join FACEBOOK!!!
PUH-LEASE join FACEBOOK!!!
PUH-LEASE join FACEBOOK!!!
PUH-LEASE join FACEBOOK!!!
PUH-LEASE join FACEBOOK!!!
PUH-LEASE join FACEBOOK!!!
PUH-LEASE join FACEBOOK!!!
PUH-LEASE join FACEBOOK!!!
PUH-LEASE join FACEBOOK!!!
PUH-LEASE join FACEBOOK!!!
PUH-LEASE join FACEBOOK!!!
PUH-LEASE join FACEBOOK!!!
PUH-LEASE join FACEBOOK!!!
PUH-LEASE join FACEBOOK!!!
PUH-LEASE join FACEBOOK!!!

Newsguy Bob said...

A little needy, there, Sandra V. Kinda pathetique, n'est-ce pas? You're number 2 on the intervention list.

(Snicker, snicker, I said "number 2".)

Misster Kitty said...

Hi. My name is Misster Kitty and I'm a FaceBook-aholic...

It's been 1 minute since my last Facebook post.

DarkOpera said...

So sorry to hear about Becky.

She will be missed :(

Daphne said...

I haven't joined FaceBook and I won't join MySpace. Call me old-fashioned, paranoid, or just "crazy mom", but I feel those sites are gateways for pedophiles.

I much prefer blogging! If I need to know how friends are doing I call!

Don't cave N@!!

Cheryl (a.k.a Sherri, and vice-versa) said...

Help help I've been sucked into the Facebook vortex! Ahhhh! SO many things to look at, so much pressure to make more friends!

Kinda fun pestering Ma Horton, though. The proper Facebook verb is "poke" but that just sounded wrong.

JB said...

Dear Facebook Addicts,

Is this "Facebook" of yours on the Information Superhighway Interweb thingie?

Awaiting your answer,
Naive Older Gentleman.

p.s. Please visit my voice work page, voiceofjohn.com

;-)