Tuesday, March 13, 2007

The fuss over bus.

How come when people get all carpe diem on your ass, they always say something like, "My motto is - 'Live for today' because you never know - tomorrow I could get hit by a bus".

How come "getting hit by a bus" is always the way you're gonna go?

Take that skydiving lesson - because tomorrow you could get hit by a bus. It's okay if you plummet to your death because your 'chute won't open because at least you did it and didn't get hit by a bus.

Tell your parents you love them - because tomorrow, you could get hit by a bus. Or maybe they will. Or maybe the bus will rear end another bus and your mom will be on the second bus and her head will softly bonk the seat in front of her and leave a mark and she'll develop a brain dysfunction where she can no longer understand the words "I love you". (but, she'll be really good at calculus and drawing hands - which are both hard). Sooooo....not a bad trade-off.

I'm gonna eat this deep fried, battered stick of butter, rolled in candy sprinkles because tomorrow I might wake up and get hit by a bus. Because it's highly likely that if I don't eat it, the 420 Express will crash through my wall and mow me down in my jammies anyway. And there'll I'll be, stuck under the front wheel, going - WILL SOMEONE GET ME A DEEP FRIED, BATTERED STICK OF BUTTER PLEASE!? IF I'D KNOWN THIS WAS GONNA HAPPEN, I WOULD HAVE DONE IT LAST NITE!! (But, no one on the bus will be listening to me because it will be all old ladies going "Is this the Bingo Hall? Is this the food court at Cavendish Mall? Is this where I can hand in my scratch tickets? Why, that's a lovely crocheted bedspread - too bad about the guts.")

Why? Why buses? Is it because they are so common? Thereby ensuring that no matter where you go in the world, you could still get hit by one? Is being hit by a bus the worst thing that could happen? If you die, I guess. But I think a much worse death would be to get mauled by feral dogs. And on a worldwide scale, I'm gonna say dogs are more common than buses.


I checked Google news just now, and there are 22 headlines about getting hit by a bus. And 3 about being mauled by feral dogs. And none about a bus hauling feral dogs.

I'm not too sure what that proves, but I thought you might find it interesting.

Anyway - gotta go feed the ratdawgs, because if I don't a baby grand and/or anvil might fall from the sky and squish me.


Ma Horton said...

This must mean I have to ride buses more instead of planes do I can excel at calculus .

Twiggy said...

Boo you whore.

That's what pops into my head when i hear 'get hit by a bus'. (It is a Mean Girls reference, and not an insult!)

Maybe it's bc they're so big, and symbols of both community (transport en *commun*) and society's infrastructure. Maybe it's an expression to symbolise not so much the bus but what it stands for - like taxes (ie the system!), or a big mob of tired and angry commuters and the work that makes them that way (people and their mistakes), or politics, or road rage....or bacteria/virus/BO party... so it's not that you'll die getting hit by the bus, it's the symbol of the weight of living!! The dangers of PEOPLE!! stay inside! become a hermit! save yourself!

aaaaand...that's enough foolishness out of me.

Twiggy said...

in case no one knows what the hell i'm talking about (very common).

Anonymous said...

I'm telling you, kiddo, sit in a well lit area with your iBook, film yourself retelling your odd observations from this blog, upload it to blip.tv and you've got yourself a hit podcast!

Blip even uploads to iTunes, so you could then load up the iTunes store, find your podcast, and watch yourself!



Newsguy Bob said...

It happens!
Didn't you see the episode of Lost a few weeks back, when Juliet wished her ex-husband the slimeball scientist would get hit by a bus and WHAM-O! Right in front of her eyes!
And as we all know, if it happens on TV, it's 110% true!

Cheryl (a.k.a Sherri, and vice-versa) said...

Nat: I don't know what concerns me more, the OCD-ish obsession with an innocuous phrase, the fact that you GOOGLED BUS ACCIDENTS AND DOG MAULINGS, or the fact that it kept me happily reading along when I'm exhausted and my contact lenses have adhered to my eyeballs and I can hear my eyelids scratch over them.

Whatever did we do before the internet?

Milky said...


For the love of God, stop stressing over things like this... life's too short.

I mean you could walk out the door to go to work tomorrow and get hit by a bus!


JB said...

If you hadn't seen Stranger Than Fiction before you wrote this post, you should have.

N@ Lauzon said...

Haven't seen it! But funny you should mention, because yesterday morning a guy at work told me I should rent it because I will love it!

Kaos said...

Good thing there is no STM union member reading this, imagine the public uproar? :)