Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Who put the poo in "pool"?

Forty-something Montreal pools have been temporarily closed due to poor water quality. Water testing discovered (among other things) traces of urine and fecal matter in the water. If you are shocked by this information, you need to get out more. HELLOOOO?? Generations of snot-nosed kids have been peein' in pools since pee was invented! And I wouldn't put it past some of you so-called adults, either. Warm spots aren't a natural phenomenon.

I've been to public pools in my life. I don't NEED to do a water test to know there is urine in the pool. My test is this: I scan the pool. If there is one kid standing motionless with a relaxed look on his face for longer than 20 seconds...there's pee in the pool.


Rick said...

Hey N@
I heard there are those who have mastered the art of Pee-n-motion; the rumor has it that these highly trained (obviously not toilet) Urine-ators can actually move freely about the pool while dispensing their liquid cargo. So for every 2 people motionless in a pool I would guess there is at least 1 Urine-ator among them.

Newsguy Bob said...

Guilty as charged, Your Honour Rick. Proud of it? You bet your yellow-stained bathing suit I am!

Grandpa McIntyre used to say he'd never swim in a pool, because "the top six inches is pure p**s!"

Rick said...

I don’t think it was P1$$,

It’s not lighter its heavier. This discovery was made when one night nature came calling, and well since my pool is in the back yard & the shock my neighbors would suffer from seeing me standing on my deck peeing in to my pool convinced me, I should head toilet. In my half conscious male state of mind I forgot to flush…I woke the next morning to find a golden surprise…the pee was at the bottom of the bowl, the water closer to the surface was clear.

A Home ExPEEriment

► Don’t drink anything for the better part of a day
► 3 quarters through the day have a large coffee
► Wait for natures call
► Answer the call
► Let the yellow mellow for a few hours (overnight is Best)
► And…Urea! Er… URIKA!

Twiggy said...

When I was swimming (training, like, as in "athlete"), i was in a public pool (granted, it was indoors) 20 hours a week. SWIMMERS, real ones, the ones that live in the poolwater...they pee in it. Granted, swimmers sorta are a snotnosed kid kinda lot. But still. I never could...but many learned how to do it, as mention above, while actually swimming a 100m sprint. Isn't that the image?
Also, it would happen once in a blue moon that we couldn't go in the water for workout because someone (and sometime this "someone" was an adult in the free swim) would in fact #2 in the pool - remove the bathing suit from their butthole and push out a big one. (we had to wait because even when the (poor) lifeguard fishes it out (and in case you're curious, poo sinks in pool too) and we can't go into the water for about 12hours).
Hmm..the was a reason for putting up with the chloring smell for 12 years then, don't you think?

N@ Lauzon said...

Oh my freakin' god, Twiggy! That is rancid and nastaroo! But I am laughing too...in fact, if I was in a pool right now, I might have a little extra cargo in the caboose area, too. That is so gross.

This is why we must not be allowed to live in close contact with other humans. We must live like hamsters in the wild - rolling around the jungles of Africa in our clear plastic, sanitary exercise balls.

N@ Lauzon said...

Oh! One more thing. When I was 2, Ma Horton took me to a public pool where I promptly proceeded to poop in the water.

True story.

I was 2, you jerks.

Anonymous said...

WOW! Nat that was very weel researched...hehe. you such a nerd, my mom says you're rubbing off on me...hmm well its caitlin! ( your most fav cousin everr!!) i think im gunna start a website..lol or not. i have some things to tell you, i broke up with my 10 month boyfriend,im going inot grade 8, and school starts sooonnnn!! :S, i really gotta call you someitme
OK to the poo things: poutine,poohead..i dunno..lol
anywys gtg byebeyx oxoxo love you hun!

Twiggy said...

I forgot to mention that one of my friends works for Canadian Tire (in TO) and she was telling me that sometimes, they are called to an aisle bc they need to clean up a mess in the plumbing section. Mess? Yes, people actually use the UNHOOKED show-toilets. Smurt.

Doris & Dan said...

People need to be monitored. They can't control their poopy impulses!

Lord help us!

Keep smilin!