kneed assistance

getting surgery done is like either being arrested or going 1st class, everything is taken care of or gets done for you. so i'm in the O.R. splayed out on the table and the nurse/I.V. lady is having a hard time trying to find a vein. i offer to help by sitting up and tightening the arm strap thing when out of no where an O.R. cop tells me not to move he'll take care of it. he does so by lowering my arm off the table then I.V. sally sticks me, she was a rookie i could tell because after the cop cornered the vein it took her way too long to put the handcuffs on, too much wrestling, then on the way to the station she kept apologizing. always comforting. i was given a spinal which completely freezes everything from the waist down, seeing as how i was awake during the operation i offer to assit in the procedure. the doctor graciously declined and told me to lie back, relax and enjoy the drugs. class act all the way. they wrapped things up pretty quickly and 4 people moved me from one bed to another, didn't have to do a thing. again class act. recovery room ... free juice and wheel chair service.

they keep you doped up enough to be in good spirits while you're in the hospital then once you get home it wears off and reality sets in. you realize there won't be any rock 'n roll leg whips while you're on the phone, no turning on microwaves with a precisioned kick, no cooking with your feet, no midnight blog foot entries, no knee spins after dinner. no bending your knees really quick and screaming, "hey they look like really big elbows!"

all you can do is grow a moustache.