Monday, June 30, 2008

Monday Dispatch

Happy Almost-Canada Day!

I'm wishin' it early because ..

Hey, wait a sec. I have tomorrow off. Pardon, as I pillage for boozes momentarily.

(pillage, pillage, pillage)

Alright. Here's all I could find that wouldn't totally mangle me: I just got me some Bailey's on ice with a splash o' milk. It's really not a cool drink. No matter what the sexy, slow-mo good-to-the-last drop commercials might try to make you believe.

No cool person in the movies ever orders a Bailey's. It's always a straight shot of vodka or a heady wine or malt scotch in a lowball, know what I'm sayin'? If you drink girly drinks in a movie, you're the first to die. You're a character actor.
If you want a meatier, more serious career - pick a role that has you drinking something more interesting.

Exhibit A:

Know what ordering a Bailey's says? It says, I'm a bit of a feeb with a sweet tooth, you could definitely take me in a slapfight and I probably have a tramp stamp on my lower back.

I don't have a tramp stamp by the way. But I do have a lamewad dolphin tattoo on my ankle. This is for another day when I feel like talking about being 18 and dizzy with power.

When you're sitting at home on the eve of the country's birthday - you should probably be havin' a good ol' fashioned brewskie. Then crushing the can against your forehead. But - we make do, friends, we make do.

I haven't had multiple days off in a while. And so, this 4 day weekend has been utter fabulousness. So, I'd best not mar it now with further bloggin'.

Just stopping by to cheers y'all in honour of the nation's 141st birthday. Happy Canada Day my little White Rabbits (x3). Talk to ya soon.


Newsguy Bob said...

I can live with being the feeb with the tramp stamp. I LURV Bailey's in coffee, and am Jonesin' it try it with ice in the blender, like the commercial on the teevee thingamabob.

So have a Happy Canada Day, ya hosers.

Adora said...

Happy canada day, N@! This is also my first 4 day weekend years. I hope yours will be as great as mine =D

JB said...

The newsies are sayin' wine sales are kickin' beer sales' butts in the Great White North these days; such is the changing face of the country through the fogged eyes of their boozy newspeople.
I have no time for alcohol in my life, really. Never understood the purpose of drinking alcohol if one wasn't in it to get at least a shine on, so I just don't drink...
Used to buy a bottle of Jack every now and then, but never liked beer much. My wife likes the occasional Kahlua and milk, which I can only assume falls in the Bailey's-and-milk-lightweight category, but she also doesn't have any tats on her lower back.
The Craig before Ferguson on the Late Late Show once said - about women with a tattoo on their lower back - "Take the number of men she's told you she slept with, and multiply it by ten."