Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Don't Feed The Animals

My heart went out to an ugly ass pigeon sitting outside the front entrance.

I guess cuz it was cold out and he was alone and fruitlessly pecking at specks of nothing on the ground. I had just gotten groceries so I stopped, ripped off a piece of pita bread and threw it at him. And he cooed and raced over to it.

The very second the bread was airborne, a girl came out of my building and saw me doing it. She didn't look at me. She DID look at the pigeon. And I knew she musta thought I was a crazy bird lady.

It's not "pigeons" it's - "pigeon", I thought. One! 'm not insane yet! I just feel for the guy. It's 25 below out here! HAVE A HEART, WOMAN!

Anyway. I watched him from inside the front entrance, pecking away at the bread. I was having a heartfelt man-bonds-to-beast moment. Then he stopped. And waddled over to a patch of snow and took a bite. OF SNOW!! And shook his head...like he needed to wash his mouth out or something.

Then he left the bread and returned happily to pecking at bits of nothing.

Asshole.

7 comments:

Amazon Woman said...

Apparently pigeon brain is an accurate term. Either that or DO NOT eat the pita you bought.

Keep smilin!

Marisa said...

Maybe the pigeon wasn't Greek?

Next time, try a slice of Smart bread.

Stupid bird!

Newsguy Bob said...

A pigeon made a monkey out of me once. While in college in North Bay, a few of us were at a bus stop and noticed a pigeon that looked like its wing was broken. I went into a store to use the phone (this was the 1980s -- pre-cellphone days) and called the Humane Society. It said it would send someone over right away. No sooner had I walked out of the store, and the stupid bird flew away. Yeah, I know: who was the stupid one? Luckily, the bus came before the Humane Society did.

Strike one for pigeons.

Strike two: AFter college, living in Sault Ste. Marie, and three pigeons used my fifth-floor balcony as their own personal crapper, and to carry on their cooing and pecking ménage à trois at all hours of the night. Stupid birds were getting way more action than I was.

Then, last summer, walking to work shortly before 8am in the Byward Market in Ottawa, I spotted a pigeon pecking at someone's puke. STRIKE THREE!

Did you ever notice that a pigeon is shaped like a football?

Hey, Timminsites: Ever notice there are few pigeons in Shaniaville with the Heart of Cold, er, Gold? Someone told me once that it's because of all the bats living in old mine shafts. Not sure if bats prey on pigeons, but I love good trivia, even if it turns out to be an urban myth.

Katherina said...

hahaha ! classic. That story actually made me laugh out loud. That and the comment by Marisa. ha "maybe he wasnt Greek" You guys are hilarious !

Twiggy said...

you're actually in violation of a by-law in TO if you feed pigeons. At least it wasn't a seagull...they get violent. Ever been ATTACKED by a pack a seagulls while ducking for cover to protect your fries? Well, I have. And it's terrifying.

On another note, here is something to make you feel like a genius (or to make you think that the French are all..ummm...would absolute morons be too mean?) :http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DQRVFILbEi4
I think that even with a very small comprehension of french you can get this.

Maria said...

Nat don't feel so bad, I would have snatched up that pita bread - then again that could be because I am greek. lol

JB said...

They're probably so used to eating scraps of trans-fat-filled donuts and french fries that pita bread wouldn't have enough crap in it to satisfy their pigeony taste buds.

Speaking of attacking birds - back when I used to live in my old rural neighbourhood in Nova Scotia, I was repeatedly dive-bombed one day by a hawk as I walked along an old set of train tracks through the woods. I think she was protecting her nest of babies, but whatever the reason was, it wasn't much fun.