Sunday, September 03, 2006

The Brome Fair

It's a tradition that happens every Labour Day weekend in Brome - a small community just outside of Montreal. My friend Kim went every summer as a kid and suggested we take a trip down memory lane and visit the fair yesterday.

We dropped by Kim's parents' house first. This is Morley - the most charming guy in dog's clothing you will ever meet. Morley was born with a jaw disfigurement that causes his tongue to hang out all the time and his drool to hang like pendulums. He's one weird lookin' dood, but has the sweetest, gentlest personality. I love him and want him! But the ratdawgs would have my head.

On our way to the fair, we were saddened to learn that someone had their tractor stolen. The following is an artist's rendering of the tractor and it's owner in happier times:

My guess is some free-wheelin' roustabouts from the country took her out on a little midnight plow. Or - maybe she ran away. Heard stories about big wheatfields in Saskatchewan and headed on down the highway under cover of night. Be free little girl - like the Littlest Hobo...

At the Brome Fair, there are several food and baking contests to enter. Like the "mini-baking" contest. Please note how we have included a toonie for size, in case you think we'd lie about something like mini-baking. For the PC crowd, mini-baking prefers to be called "vertically-challenged".

This shuckface won first prize in her category: Best-dressed at the Emmys! Mahahaha!
Please note that the cornlady is protected under chicken wire. You may think this is to preserve her delicate kernels from the grubby paws of her admirers, but it is actually the opposite. Cornlady is a mean-spirited b*tch of a complex-carbohydrate and when threatened, can pop her kernels off with the velocity of a speeding bullet.
Be warned.

Little-known trivia fact about Brome: locals call it the 'Land of the Retarded Bunnies". Not sure why, though.

Kim waits all year for the chance to eat a 'Derby Burger' at the fair. Derby burgers are all about onions. Needless to say, the only person willing to make out with her after this was Morley. *(Note: I farted outside the Derby Burger canteen AND at the sewing pavillion).*

We did not get a craving for this:

The carnival games included the always-frustrating Whack-a-Mole and Bingo. For a few dollars you have the chance to win prizes like generic hulk man, not to mention the admiration of those around you.

Petting zoos are good times. Nowadays, the pellets cost a buck and there are Purell hand sanitizing stations around the enclosures. Not like in my day when pellets cost a nickel and after you pet the goats you'd stick your fingers in your mouth and ask your mom to buy you cotton candy.

By far, my favourite part of the day was the sheep...prize-winning sheep, no less. I realized that sheep sound a lot like people imitating sheep. One sheep in particular, yesterday (her name is Chrissy)sounded a lot like a drunken frat boy about to hurl. I was honestly in tears over this little sheep. She was bleating up a storm(we later found out it was because her barnmate, Belle was out of the enclosure getting groomed..apparently, sheep don't like to be alone!) Her 'bah' sounds more like an "aaah!" with a bit of grittiness for good measure. Oh, sheep. How I loves ya, how I loves ya!


Newsguy Bob said...

Glad y'all had a good time over ta the fair. D'y'all reckon you'll go back next year?

The fun never ends for you, does it, N@?

I would say that I love sheep too, but I know the dirty minds that lurk hereabouts...

The weather here is a dog's nose: cold and wet. Oh well, I have to work tomorrow, anyway.

Peace out, my brothahs and sistahs.

Anonymous said...

I was there too on Saturday. Good times but couldn't believe how many people there were.


moreley's mom said...

Umm, why is my dog on the 'net? If I see his face photo-shopped over something indecent in the upcoming months I'm coming to find you Lauzon...

N@ Lauzon said...

Hmm....thanks for the idea, Morely's mama!!! HEH!

Amazon Woman said...

Me likey Elk Burgers! Me likey Brome Fair.

Keep smilin!