On the heels of a long weekend - I'm sure our collective brain is not functioning at full capacity. So, I thought I would post about something silly rather than my usual musings about politics and world events (cough, cough). Please respond to this question in a swift and honest manner.
Can you fart while sitting ON your ass?
I have had this conversation before. But I was thinking about it again on the bus this morning, when an ever-so-faint waft of bum drifted my way. Everyone on the bus at that point was sitting down. On THEIR bums (as I was on mine) and I wondered whose ass gas was so aggressive that it could escape compacted, flattened-down buttcheeks?
I think it depends on the particular brand of fart. For instance, a seepy, silent post-hangover fart might as well be called the "Houdini" because it can escape anything. Sometimes you aren't even AWARE it's escaped. But, I want to know about the "textbook fart" - the one that actually sounds like a whoopee cushion - the "hearty blat", if you will. Can you do those kind of farts while sitting on your butt?
Not me. No way. I am the obvious farter. The one who will hoist a cheek off the seat to set it free. Otherwise, I just can't do it. I have tried to remain seated while farting and it will NOT come out. When my farts have no escape route, it's like a backfiring car with nowhere to go but INSIDE. What would have been a fart cloud on the outside, becomes a dense, little fart pellet within my body. I can feel it ricochet off my innards - pinballing off each of my ribs and finally hurtling skyward to just behind my eyeballs. You will know I have held in a fart if you see my eyes bulging out slightly (I give to you, Exhibit A).
My sister can fart while on her ass. I mean, big obnoxious, noisy farts. And I don't get it. To me, it almost defies scientific principle to be able to fart that loud and not reposition any cheek surface area. Am I alone on this? Can the rest of you jerks fart while on your butt?