Ya wanted summer, Montreal? Here it is all up in yo' face with a side of tabasco sauce. The humidex hit 38 today. I think the month of May should have an "in like a lion, out like a lamb" analogy. Maybe something like, "in like a pair of damp skinny-leg jeans, out like a parka-wearing fat guy in the sauna".
Okay, so I talked about this on the air today, but I realize the possibility exists that you all might have lives outside of my 3 hour self-aggrandizing progrm (yes, I meant to spell it like that...sounds more like how an old lady would say it...pro-grrm).....so I'll rehash it here. And that is...
I love old people! I love them and I want one! There is an old man who rides the ol' 63 (I am a metro vet now, see?). He is at the age where self-consciousness is not even on the radar. He does what he wants, says what he wants and makes all the noises he wants. Now, MOST of the time, I'm sure he doesn't realize how loud he's being because he's also hard of hearing. He sits there, chatting to himself, clearing his throat every 10 seconds and loudly grunting and sighing with every shift and creak of his body. And regardless of how hot it is outside - he wants the windows closed. He will even ask the other patrons across the aisle to close THEIR windows, too. And they do! Because he wields the power of "old guy".
So, yesterday I'm on the bus (in the aisle across from him having completed the obligatory closing of the window). But this time, he's sitting beside an old lady. She is so little that her orthopedes don't even touch the ground when she sits. They are sitting so close that their bodies are physically touching, and they are still having trouble hearing each other. The collective bus people and I, however - are privvy to every syllable.
He says, "Yesterday in my apartment (loud throat clearing) I found an ant. An ant (dramatic pause) WITH WINGS!"
"You saw a what...?"
"AN ANT! WITH WINGS! DID YOU EVER SEE THAT BEFORE? AN ANT WITH WINGS?!"
At this point I am wondering 2 things:
1) has HE ever seen an ant with wings before? Cuz he sure as hell sounds surprised by the discovery. And if so....
2) How can a guy that old have gone through life never having seen one?
I honestly don't think she heard ANY of it. But I did and as I listened (you can't even call it eavesdropping because his voice was ricocheting off the walls of our tin can bus) - I learned a few things about the ol' chap, like, he has a little nephew who asked him to visit. The 'little' nephew it turns out is a 67 year old retired cardiologist. And the story that impressed ME most...one time he took the bus, and it didn't even stop once for a red light. I'm guessing that was in 1910, when there were no lights, but STILL...impressive.
So, yeah. I love old people. I also noticed he was carrying a white plastic bag, with what looked to be a can of Pledge inside. Takin' the bus to buy some Pledge and chat up the ladies. And grunt. Just another day in the life of the ol' guy on 63.